Friday, February 4, 2011

I hate it.

My life is an enigma, a formidable one, perhaps, and I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Every move I make and every thought I think is just so uncertain, I feel like I'm blindfolded and spun around (countless, countless rounds), but this isn't some kiddie game with a sack of candy at the end. No, this is the reality I'm being pushed into, where every mistake is haunting (and daunting). I'm being shoved - by my parents, my friends, my guidance counselors, my teachers - who all expect me to smack that damned "victory prize", well, honestly, how the hell am I supposed to even hit it if I have no idea where I stand?
I'm confused and it's so tantalizing.
If I could get anything, I would just ask for a peek in the future: ten years from now. I need some reassurance that everything will get better, but that isn't coming anytime I'm stuck in this present state of mind where every blink of an eye becomes a past I can never change.
Did you know our brain processes things a couple nano seconds after the thing/event/movement/thought actually occurs? So, in reality, we are always living in the past.
And I just want to get out of this cage - this past. I want to break free and see what lies ahead.
But I can't, as much and as often as I try, and it's so, so, so frustrating.


[p.s.: I entered this awesome contest. Click here and walaah!]


  1. hello i'm missa ^__^

    thanks for your comment! i will most def follow you as well!

    i know EXACTLY how you felt as your were writing this post. believe me, i've been there and i'm still even trying to move on from the past, but it's just so hard, all you can do is pray and let time do all the healing. <3

    i feel ya <3
    keep your chin up and just SMILE it off -- that's what i do (=

    mucho love,

  2. We have all been in that situation but it ALWAYS gets better =]. I wish I could even tell my 17 yr old self that what seemed big then, would be moments that I laugh at now

  3. All the clothing is actually from the online store of forever21 and a few pair of the shhoes of from UO.

    I am not following, also thanks for letting me know about my button, it was disabled on accident!

    Have a great weekend!